TO DO OR NOT TO DO HOUSEHOLD CHORES?

A generation or two ago the roles were divided neatly along gender lines. Men were the bread winners and women the home makers.

However the lines have now become fuzzy. With education and social mobility, women are making a mark in the world outside home. They are entering what were earlier considered male bastions. However while women’s attitudes are rapidly changing, men are not changing as rapidly.

I am not surprised. Why would someone voluntarily give up their privileges?

However, I am going to give 5 reasons why sharing household chores is a good idea for men:

1. It improves your health.  What do you do instead of helping out? 9 times out of 10 sit in a couch in front of the TV. Housework will definitely consume more calories than watching TV and will help maintain your health.
2. It improves your standard of living. If two heads are better than 1 then 4 hands are better than 2.  Your wife is not super woman…..something will have to get off the plate. A ton of talented and erstwhile economically productive women give up their careers post children. It is not because they lack ambition but because they just can’t physically manage it. They do try and juggle it for a while. But then they realize that home and kids are their responsibility and so reprioritize their lives. This despite knowing that today more than ever you need two incomes to get ahead.
3. It is not just about the time it takes to do the household chores but the sheer drudgery of them, the total lack of appreciation or even acknowledgement for them. Contrast it with working outside of home…the money, the feeling of worth. Now that women have experienced that they are certainly not happy doing it.
4. It provides a role model for your children. Your wife is doing less for you than your mom did for your dad. And she is doing it far more grudgingly. What do you think will your sons’ wife do?
5. Love at the end of the day is about sharing and caring. A happy wife. Is doing some dishes worth it?

As a friend of mine remarked, isn’t it amazing that the newspaper is full of incidents of people being shot at the slightest pretext manning a toll plaza or parking in a particular spot, yet no husband has ever been shot for doing the dishes.

By Courtesy  : http://www.marryinaweek.com/category/blog/

MY THOUGHTS ON MATRIMONY

Dear Diary,

I had a blazing argument with my folks today.  Wish I could unfriend them.  They say I’m getting old and I should marry soon, like marry in a week…… is this a joke or what……and how am i supposed to do that…… catch the first guy on the road?. They want an arranged marriage – I am old enough to marry but not old enough for my own swayamvar, so to speak.  I mean, what is swayamvar if not a chance to make my own matrimonial choice?  If someone were to post swayamvar online, I would definitely like it.  It’s ok for them to go to pandits, register me on matrimonial sites and give out my details to strangers, including Pinky aunty with red lipstick louder than her voice and bright pink nail polish – ugh – but I cannot go on a Facebook app on matrimony.  Facebook matchmaking?  They won’t hear of it.  It’s not safe.

Not safe?  How is it less safe than anywhere else?   I can choose who is to see me.  I mean, I wouldn’t waste my precious picture on just anybody. Who has control over my details elsewhere – the neighborhood pundit – or Pinky aunty? I’d love to try any app on matrimony where the profiles have complete privacy even from Facebook friends. Plus, data is drawn from the Facebook profile itself – I mean, it would be difficult for a person with lots of friends friends to fake a profile.  And if I get to see messages that I want and like – bridal clothes, honeymoon getaways, caterers, jewellery – it will mean more choices…from the comfort of my home.

Why can’t my folks see that I can manage, and if I can’t I can update myself on how best to keep myself safe online?  It’s for me to learn, manage just as it is for me to keep myself safe while crossing a road, take precautions when out alone, file my returns and what not. Since the privacy issue is resolved, I would like to use a platform that has a network focused towards what I need….. i mean people who genuinely what to get married…..and not there for a few laughs. You can get a ‘feel’ of things, and the dangers are as many or as few as anywhere in this world.  Let’s have faith in humanity and in some force that takes care of things, once you’re responsible enough (which I am now that I have crossed the twenty-something barrier).  It’ll still be an arranged match of sorts – I’ll still judge by certain parameters that the profile will contain.  Except, the initial meeting will be in a virtual space rather than at a tea party with Pinky aunty hovering in the background. Whats wrong with that?

A MATRIMONIAL WINDOW ON FACEBOOK

Match making on Facebook!  A Matrimonial app on facebook!

Well, don’t file it under ‘Ripley’s believe it or not’ because Face Book was always about – bringing people together. It is after all the biggest social networking site on date. Nor take it as ‘strange but true’ because a facebook matrimonial application was something waiting to happen. It was only a matter of time before someone grabbed the idea for all its worth.

‘Marry in a week’ is world’s first matrimonial app on facebook. http://apps.facebook.com/marryinaweek.com in the online matrimony space and it deals with things very differently compared to matrimonial websites.

‘Marry in a week’ synchs marriage relevant information on facebook with your profile on the app. Since most young marriageable people, maintain a large network of friends it’s impossible to fake information such as like marital status, work, education, living in etc in your facebook account as it is viewed by friends

It asks questions on person’s value system, life style and interests. Since all responses are socially acceptable, people will likely give their genuine response and offer insights about themselves. The big idea is to ensure match making based on openness to showcase and celebrate individuality.

The last and the most important element in this app is the concept of expiry of daily matches, expression of interest and received interest. This is to ensure that both sides act fast and respond with an interest whenever they like a profile.  This ensures that one could actually find a match in a week and all going well may even marry in a week.

“Marryinaweek” works on 3 premises – Relevance, Availability and Interest.

Whereas matrimonial websites operate on the back of powerful search engines which offer endless clutter of matches, most suitably dressed up to look good. But out of these hundreds of match results, only a small number is actually available to you because people maintain different timelines and priorities than you.

The fact that even when people receive interest there is always a temptation to wait for an even better match. This causes a “scattered availability” problem. Where one either side of the transaction people needs are not aligned.

Not to mention that matrimony in India just like our parliament is based on caste.  Though officially we maintain that caste is a social evil but we do precious little about this. What about the growing number of young people who do not believe or want to follow caste is there an option? As these websites seek compulsorily caste inputs.

The profile on these websites do not stress on values, interest and lifestyle as if these were not important in the matter of marriage.

Finding your soul mate on a facebook app is the route going to be taken by our future generations. Its the simplicity and efficiency that makes it impossible to ignore.

You Sign up by clicking on http://apps.facebook.com/marryinaweek and fill up the questionnaire.

The app receives the profile data from FB. The credibility of the data is high because (i) the source is Facebook and because (ii) only that profile is taken that has 25 or more friends. This precaution solves the problem of fake profiles greatly.

The app. churns these profiles, finds the compatibility quotient and provides you up to six matches every day based on your profile details. These daily profiles expire in a week.

If you ‘like’ a match, click ‘express interest’ button. If the liked match accepts your interest, then you are a double match and will automatically view each other’s contact details to take the process forward offline.

Can it get simpler than this?

If you want to accelerate the process you can also use the wonderful feature ‘Find who likes you’ and reach all your relevant matches in one go and get response from them within a week.

The best part is that it is completely private and confidential. It has no privacy issues. Your profile match remains confidential to the extent that it becomes visible only to the other match of the equation. Your parents can see your matrimonial app activity but only if you permit them access to it.

Whats more!  there is presently no charge to use the app marryinaweek.com.

THE OLD AGE TRADITION OF “KUNDLI MATCHMAKING”!!

                                                        

Sneha, a young, slim and beautiful girl, a post graduate and working in one of the leading companies. A 24 year old who lives her life on her beliefs and principles. She’s the girl of the 21^st century with modern perspectives. Her family members are trying their best to arrange her marriage considering the fact that she’s well settled and has attained a marriageable age. Many proposals came for her from various channels and destinations. There were no grounds to reject her as far as her physical features were concerned. But her marriage got delayed several times because of the old age tradition/belief which is main impediment in marriage i.e. viewing Kundli (Horoscope), karmakands, dosh, etc. Adding to her problems, she had a Mangal prone horoscope which is generally considered as a bad omen in the community since ages. She didn’t believe in any of this and was helpless in this regard. Despite of having a well educated family she could not convince them to overlook the so called “KUNDLI MATCHMAKING” tradition.

Years passed by and soon she entered her late twenties and by this time one could notice a drastic change in her behaviour. She was no longer a “Happy go Lucky Sneha” and became a dull and quiet personality who was mostly found lost in her thoughts. She tried to keep aloof from her family and friends. The thought of getting rejected by quite a number of guys within a few years only on the grounds of being a “MANGLIK” kept bothering her. All day long she used to question herself “What is my fault if I was not born just 10 minutes before??” Yes, that’s what her family astrologer said while preparing her kundli. Just because she was born 10 minutes late, her kundli witnessed a Manglik dosh with her taras and grahs changing their positions. Can you believe it??? She did not even know what were possibly the taras and grahas. All she believed was that the essence of a successful marriage is based on understanding and compatibility.

After going through a series of rejections based on the reasons she didn’t even believe, she had different plans for her life altogether. With a thought in mind that her life cannot be decided by an astrologer with his orthodox believes, she decided to give a new turn to her destiny. One day she went to her family pundit’s (astrologer) office. It was not just any ordinary office but was a huge 3 storey building with big nameplates and banners all over. She went there and had a conversation with him for almost about an hour showing keen interest in the field of astrology. She enquired about all the facts which were becoming a hurdle in her marriage. The pundit briefed her with all the details and charged her with a considerable amount of fee. At the time of payment, Sneha offered him an amount ten times the fee and asked him to prepare a new kundli eliminating the so called DOSHS. She succeeded in her mission and the pundit convinced her family with the “New” kundli. Alas, she got married within a span of 2 months! It’s been almost 2 years now and Sneha is happily married with 2 kids. Till date no one is aware of the truth.

We call ourselves the so called “Modern” people but are we really modern in our thoughts?? Well, that’s what needs our attention. We see how kundli/horoscope matchmaking has become more of a business these days but still we follow such old school traditions. Marrying a tree or an animal or an object would dissolve our doshs we don’t even know, we still follow such rituals. It has actually become more of a “HORRORSCOPE” rather than horoscope.

Trust and understanding are the essence of any relationship. These are the factors which need our focus while getting married leaving the rest up to Almighty above!

MONEY AND MARRIAGE – WASN’T IT ALWAYS ABOUT MONEY, SUNNY?

They say marriage is fun; that you are incomplete without it; that marriage is what separates men from boys. The friends and family pump you up so high that you run the risk of colliding with the satellites up there in the sky. So you get married. They all prove to be wrong. What do you get in return to the longest- two- words’ sentence in English— ‘I do’?

They never tell you about the ‘clearance sales’ every Saturday, the ‘newest eatery in town’, and ‘the cousins’ birthdays’- which become mandatory events to attend with your better half. The sister-in-law’s‘marriage anniversary’ you could miss only at your peril and you really have to be brave to forget theretirement party of your father-in-law - meaning a heavy gift for the old man from your fast dwindling fortune, horded during your bachelor days.                                                                                                                                                                  They do not warn that every step of marriage will travel through your wallet and you will have to keep your wallet open and mouth shut. Keep balancing the salary statement against requisitions from at least one quarter you dare not question, that is, your wife. You also find out that the wives can everyday devise better ways of boring into a husband’s money than the finance minister can think of robbing it legally. One can almost come to believe that both the FM and the HM at home are hand in glove to deplete the accounts of husbands. What is left over from their schemes has to go towards EMI’s.

Life seems to be mortgaged to the dream you had on the day you got hooked into matrimony.

What should a young man do? Abjure marriage forever?  Let his world move on the tenterhooks of live-in arrangements. That does not seem to be very ideal.

So, how to solve the conundrum of marriage? The person best suited is the one who has cracked the code himself. The grand pa who had already disposed off two wives opined thus on asking for the solution. ‘You cannot have your cake and eat it too. When you marry you enter into a contract, a vow and a promise in the name of and for God.

Once you are married you cannot think only of your rights. Marriage entails duties. It may not be a bed of roses but is better than that. It is the harbinger of the human civilization.

Marriage gives rise to families. The families give rise to society. And the collective experiences of the society give rise to traditions, culture and civilization.

When you marry you are thrown into a new world. Different aspirations spring up to be dealt with your bachelor identity. You have to change. You have to run a more planned life. The plan for a new family, new people in the family and then the needs of the new group of members of that bigger family take priority.

Think of marriage and god together. God will see to it that your endeavour does not go unrewarded.