“HONEY WE SHOULD TALK”…IS IT THE BEGINNING OF THE ‘END’?

This phrase is the most dreaded aspect of any marriage, and is often decoded as “honey, you are in trouble…” however, the partners often forget the real danger hidden under it.

The real danger lies in the need to “talk”. The busy lives led by us leave no room for talking; it is negated and left for the “emergency-times”. Why does the “need-to-talk” appear at the very crucial point of the relation?  The answer is very simple; we often forget to TALK otherwise!

How to handle it

Talking is definitely a remedy to sort out any matter, even a superpower like U.S.A never shies away from “peace-talk”. Then why do we run away from talking? Or take it as a red alert? The best solution is definitely to talk it out! So whenever we are summoned by our special-ones for the “talk”, we are only supposed to walk calmly and solve the matter.

How to avoid such talking sessions in future

A routine with a session of 20-30 minutes of talking everyday will save you from any catastrophe. Worldly-wise people claim that hiding the truth from your spouse (if it is likely to disappoint them or break your marriage) is best way to keep the bond intact. However, these myths should never be trusted, as they do nothing except being a catalyst to rupture a marriage. Lies never help, thus a confession session is better than the “talk”. Lastly, it is not funny to tell your spouse how you love them over a thousand times, the cuddling sessions or the over the phone love you sessions should never cease, drill it into their minds how you care for them and how you long to hear their voice at the end of a busy day.

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“HAPPILY MARRIED”- NOT JUST A MYTH!!

“Neeta, a 14 year old, sitting beside her window pane, dreaming about her PRINCE charming who would come riding on a white horse with a sword in his hand and would fight with this world to be with her. He would take her away to her dream world, with a small cottage built on countryside where the two would spend their lives happily together. A world, far off from real life villains and obstacles. A small house, even with a single room, doesn’t really matter to her. All she wants is a HOME-Sweet- Home!”

The above story sounds more like a typical BOLLYWOOD movie where the hero and the heroine meet up, fall in love, go through a series of problems and finally end up getting together and live happily ever after. Looks like most of the movies are based on fairy tales. Aren’t they??

What happens when a Fairy Tale becomes a Reality??

Let’s understand this by considering our very own “Neeta” representing the story of every other girl in this world.

“Neeta, a young and beautiful 14 year old, studying in high school. She’s the “Miss Popular” of her school. Like a typical beautiful teen, she likes to throw tantrums and is full of attitude. Where every other guy of the school tries to approach her, she hardly cares! But deep down inside, she’s no less than a normal girl who dreams about her prince charming day and night. Her dreams and aspirations are no different than any other girl. She wants to be pampered, loved, cared and respected. As the time passes by, she enters into a new life – College, new space and new friends but with the same dream inside her heart. Finally, the day comes when she meets her dream man, her prince charming, the guy she’s been looking for all her life. The two fall in love and make promises to spend their lives together. After facing a couple of hurdles, both end up getting married. Not only they are married but are HAPPILY MARRIED with their twin sons.”

Neeta’s story is a little hard to believe for us who call ourselves the so called “Practical” people. Where most of the bollywood stories have a happy ending, we find it difficult to accept them. All stories may not have a happy ending but they do go through a phase of good times. Times where we smile, laugh with tears of joy and share the best times of our lives. Such times are worth living for. Where “Happily Married=Happily Adjusted”, it shouldn’t be that difficult to accept the reality. People do fall in love, make promises to be together, get married, have kids and live happily ever after. The period of “EVER-AFTER” does exist! The period where the two are there for each other in times thick and thin. The period where the duo grow old together and so does their love and bond.

Yes, such stories aren’t just fiction. They do happen in real life. All we need to do is just look around. Who knows may be one day our story would be no different than a fairy tale!

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CAN LOVE HAPPEN TWICE???

We read, we search, we ask, we discuss but the fact is no book or dictionary or magazine or search engine can actually define LOVE. It can’t be measured and doesn’t come with a rulebook of its own. Love just happens and when it does, very few of us are left sensible enough to ask when, what and how? “We simply fall in love and even gravitation cannot be held responsible for it” once said the foremost scientist of modern times Albert Einstein. Understanding love is no less than making an attempt to master ROCKET SCIENCE. The latter can still be studied and comprehended but love remains undefined.

A mother falls in love with her baby even before he enters the world. We tend to fall in love with every other star or performer, even without knowing them. A little boy insanely loves his cricket bat for no reason. A young girl carries her favourite and beloved doll wherever she goes. Humans fall in love with animals (and vice-versa) despite of the semantic barriers. Basically, we tend to fall in love all the time! Love is as important for our soul as is air and food for our bodies. We just cannot do without it. Not only because Love is a necessity but “the feeling of getting loved” is what contributes to our happiness.

Question of the hour: Can we fall in love more than once??

Think of the times where you used to fall in love with your school teacher, college professor, neighbour, best friend’s partner and the list is endless. Despite of knowing the fact it’s never going to happen, we fell in love many a times. Where break-ups, separation, divorce, etc puts an end to one relationship; it gives you the strength to move on in life at the same time. It all depends one’s perspective of dealing with the situation. One learns to love the new love of their life in a different way thereby falling in love twice. The fact is it’s not about twice or thrice or infinity, what matters is the need to understand the importance of moving ahead in your life with someone who is comforting, understanding and has more in common than the first love of their life. Rightly said “Love is not about finding the right person but about creating a right relationship.” Not any kind of love is enough, true love is what matters the most. Some find it at 5, some at 16 while some may find it at the age of 70 years!! It hardly makes a difference how old you are, love happens when it has to.

When your partner’s happiness becomes a priority, when you do things which you never thought of, when life gives you a reason to live for someone special, etc are a few signs to tell you that you are in “love”. Some people are lucky enough to find their special one in one go while others might have to go through heartbreak. Instead of making a count of the number of time one falls in love, it’s better to leave things to the almighty. Things would fall in place without making any efforts when it happens with the right person and at the right time.

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I WILL CHANGE HIM – THE ETERNAL FEMININE QUEST

No one can understand why a woman works for ten years to change her man and then complains – he is not the man she married. It is said that the first woman was created from the rib of the first man to support him and to be beside him and not from his head to be on top of him.

No one told the rib her true purpose.

Women are steeped in the art of change. Initially they battle with their weight and looks and later it is their men. When young, their toys get the basic blast of this feminine quest and the dolls get their full treatment. No amount of   bathing, draping and re draping would satisfy a young girl if she is made of the real feminine mettle. The same is done with men when they grow up.

The old joke rightly says it – women marry men with the hope they will change and men marry women hoping they won’t. Both are disappointed.

There are many theories about why women want to change their men. None describes the reality because nothing can fathom the deviousness of a woman’s mind. If asked their stock reply is –“Of course we have to be devious. We have to deal with men.” They couch the quest to change in words like sprucing up, bringing around or making over etc.

Whatever word you use to describe the phenomenon, the fact remains that men are in for a wringer the moment they become husbands.

It is possibly true to believe that the first thing that a woman thinks when meeting a potential husband would be –‘Well, not bad!  He is like cute and could be better. Only if he will have a little better dress sense. And yes he should change his hair style as well. No prob. I will see to it. He will be the best looking guy after I have finished.’

Herein lies the basic reason for the feminine quest. All women want to be seen with the best and they are convinced that they know the best. It is believed by psychologists that women initially marry even slobs – as they see it – and then wish to change them into heroes. This proves their worth. Women judge other women on the basis of the sarees, the jewellery, the makeup, the style etc. It seems they must judge their husbands too on the same scale of attractiveness and worth. So when a man is pushed into a change in the style of his woman it is only to lift the man to become smarter. This in turn elevates the worth of the woman also.

It is also believed that the feminine quest to change could be the expression of a deep-seated desire of women for constant expression of love and commitment from their male partners. It makes them push their men for the sprucing up and making over. This will prove how much hold they have on the person. An acceptance to change will be a proof of commitment.

Therefore, the guys will do well to accept the blue shirt and black pant combination even if it makes one look like a waiter. After all the lady is trying to only confirm your love for her.

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Essence of TIME in a relationship

TIME – the creator of the universe and has the power to end it. It is the biggest healer and preacher. It flies away and comes back as memories. A great companion and a reason behind many smiles and tears. Truly said “Time is the most precious gift because we only have a limited amount of it”. One can make more money but not time.

TIME helps to develop and nurture a relationship. It is the time management which holds importance in a relationship. It is not mandatory and practical to cut down the essential tasks from your routine because you can’t afford to maintain that in the long-run. But, the emphasis should be laid on devoting quality time with each other, so that you can hold on it consistently. Where an absentee parent tries to compensate their absence with money or luxury, there is no replacement for quality time. The division of slots or quantifying the time that you are allocating to nurture your relationship is not enough. Instead, it is about how you can manage to extract or pull out time to strengthen your bonding.

I asked, I read, I searched and on my way of research I found that there is no better way to spell LOVE other than TIME. It holds you together and lets your love grow. The more you give it, the more you discover. Being there for your loved ones in times of need not only ensures a healthy relationship but helps maintain the trust between two people.

Life’s happiness is hidden between the little moments we spend in our daily lives. Such precious moments revolve around TIME. Live them, Love them and most importantly don’t miss them and life would become beautiful like never before!

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Why marry in the first place?

Once I was a happy bachelor. Oh, the days!

I was the coolest guy in the whole neighboured. Everyone-especially those with maidens - sought and received my unrestricted help. All the tedious chores like ticket reservation, taxes, bills from B.S.N.L. and KESA were deposited under my benign office. I was the affectionately-beloved of the mothers in all such houses.

What bliss! What a merry existence!

I had the full use of the double bed and my quilt.

There was no pressure to get up early.

No constraint to go fetch the milk, take constitutional morning walk of five kms.

The time to come home was not tabbed.

There were late night parties without having to contend with any after – flak for the mess created all over the house.

Above all, there was no curfew on T.V channels at prime (Ekta Kapur) time – 9 pm.

There was no pressure to do the dishes or balance the budget or visit the Saree Sales

Alas! The others thought it was a life without direction. I was drifting from one day to another like a boat without a rudder.

The most worried people were friends and relatives. They felt “a man was incomplete without marriage” without realising that then he was finished. They were in the self appointed business of matchmaking with another happy bachelor. They looked at me with such an ocean of sympathy in their eyes as if I was suffering from a terminal disease and did not have much time left.

They did not realize that going to marriage is like going to a restaurant with friends. You order what you want. And when you see what the other person has, you wish you had ordered that instead. But it was useless to protest.

The Jury was out, friends. It was time to get the verdict.

Was there really a state like happy bachelor?

Sanctity, desirability and necessity of Marriage seem to be the biggest common thread running through all the cultures, castes and creeds. This institution is older than recorded history and has survived all the progress in civilization. ‘I do’ is an expression of intent uttered in every culture to begin a settled and purposeful life. Form and manner change but the essence remains the same.
This union of two individuals sanctioned by the society is one of the hallmarks of human existence. It gives rise to all the paraphernalia of state.

Marriage gives birth to generations. These men and women of future will find a legacy, a heritage, a gift from their past, only through the strengthening of the institution of marriage. It is essentially a coming together of two souls. It gives a shoulder to share the sorrows, to have the thrill of listening to the peeling laughter of infants and a person to enjoy it with, to have the security that comes through sharing and caring, to look at the sunset and hold someone permanent in your arms, to learn to check unbridled emotions and how to give vent to them, to contribute to the society and its well being.

Marriage completes a person.

There is no such thing as a happy bachelor.

It will be good to remember that only animals live as single.

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Groom is not just anybody!

There are people of all shapes and sizes, and grooms too could be tall, short, big or small. However, Shape of the body is no hindrance for looking good, all one has to do to cover the flaws of his body is to understand his body type and clothes. So, appropriate attires have been suggested below for different body types.

 Tall & broad

Men blessed with these attributes are in fact people desired by women and scorned by men. Most of the men clothes are formed to suit tall & broad men, though grooms can choose anything from tuxedos to dhotis, but the fabric and fabric-cut should be taken care of. The amplifying effect produced by thick and layered clothing can either make you look massive or muscular, so it should be handled very intelligently. Secondly, wrong cuts, like puffed shoulders could make the man look enormous, thus a man with gifted physique should stick to the classic cuts and stitching.

 Tall & thin

We have all seen those classic times when 5-layered clothing of a gentleman made a mark in the party gathering, well, this could be your chance to make a mark! Be it trouser suit or dhoti-kurta, same rules apply. Double breasted coats, Nehru collar, Chinese collar, Achkan and other outfits which are closed and made of heavy or thick fabric can complement the body type. Long coats or kurtas should be chosen carefully, as the length of the outfit can make you look taller and thinner.

 Tall & fat

Most of the men who are tall and plump are anxious about their wedding outfit. Men with a paunch should understand their bodies just like men with 3-D ribs. Every body type has flaws and solutions to cover them. Simple precautions of staying away from thick fabrics, voluminous double breasted coats, round collars and heavily embroidered kurtas can help ease the problem. Further simple cuts and dark colours like black, navy blue or deep green should be preferred.

 Short & broad

The focus is to flaunt the broad shoulders and cleverly create an image of being tall. Having broad shoulders and chest is an asset to any man, so any kurta or shirt will look good. However, closed collars and thick fabrics should be avoided, as closed collars can make you look smaller and thick fabrics will add useless volume to chest and shoulders.
Trousers should be chosen with great care, straight stitched trousers and narrow ends should be preferred over flannel trousers. Trouser should not be low waist, as it shortens the legs, so a high or mid waist trouser is perfect. Dhotis are a strict no-no as they expose the flaw of this body-type, however if anybody chooses to wear a dhoti it should be worn with great care.

 Short & thin

The best way to hide the flaws is to play with the fabric. To make the body appear fuller one must go for double breasted coats and stiff silk fabric kurtas. More the layers, fuller the body, so be carefree to add vest and coat to the apparel. Vivid and bright colours can define the body shape and thus expose all the good features of yours’. Avoid long coats and team it up with straight classic trousers.

 Short & fat

No Problem! Light fabrics and avoiding over-coats is the best solution. Kurta pyjamas are the best approved attires, the loose kurta will hide the flesh and length of the garment will add those extra inches to the body. Body hugging shirts and coats should be avoided and thin deep coloured fabrics should be preferred. Lastly, a low-waist trouser is not to be worn under any condition, it makes the legs look shorter, so a mid waist straight classic trouser is perfect.

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When Culture becomes Vulture

Marriage is an occasion embedded on the bed of culture, and it beautifies the simple union of two people. But what happens when culture degrades the sanctity of the union? Well, nothing happens. The dirt is made part of the culture and tradition flows like spring stream, taking in all the dirt and filth in its body. Dowry is one of the well acknowledged dirt carried by the traditions.

But we are not here to dictate and pass judgments on the “ceremony”; we are here to look at it from a new angle. What do the “modern women” think about it? And what do they do about it? Let’s accept that dowry is always hidden under the façade of “gift exchange”. It is actually an accident that most of these gifts are expensive apparels, jewelry, furniture and cars given by the brides’ family to the grooms’! The further disheartening fact is that this ceremony is often glamorized by the educated modern women.

For the best illustration I would like to take help of my friend, Anukriti, who got married few months back. I have always been a critique to the big fat Indian weddings, but for Anukriti, weddings have been the once-in-a-life occasion which is ought to be celebrated with tons of money. She shared all the tales of her wedding with me, it was a love marriage and the grooms’ family was sophisticated and did not think of dowry at all, the grooms’ father indeed proposed of bearing half expenditure of the wedding. However, the generous proposal was turned down by Anukritis’ father.

Few days before the ring-ceremony I got a call from Anukriti requesting me to go out shopping with her; I yielded but wondered about what was to be bought, as everything was organized. Then while walking the streets of katras and Daribas of chandni chowk I realized that we were shopping for the grooms’ family. Jewelry sets, fabrics for clothes, trinkets and rings, mithaais and everything possible was bought. I teasingly warned her about not forgetting to take a T.V and DVD player to her affine home. To my shock she was not humored, but fell deeper into anxiety. Numerous anxious calls were made to her father and carpenter regarding the progress of “Order” she had placed.

“Thanks for reminding me, I had nearly forgot, however my Bed and dressing-table will be ready by Tuesday.” She said.

“So your husband does not have a bed & dressing table? Don’t tell me they are falling short of clothes too, it seems like you are providing them with wedding outfits and accessories!” My patience was over & I retorted in irritation.

“C’mon, stop acting like a revolutionary, it’s my wedding! Get out of the “critical mode” and enjoy, they are just gifts!”

“And where are your gifts? Where is your bed and dressing table? Anukriti, uncle has already organized such a huge wedding; you should not pester him with unnecessary demands…”

“Relax! It is just a tradition, like ring ceremony, chura ceremony, mehandi… or any other, stop fretting over it!”

I actually stopped fretting over it; I had lost the battle amidst the crowd of katra. What could I do after this? I enjoyed the big fat Indian wedding. But my days after her wedding were spent brooding over the culture, which had eaten away the sensibilities of its daughters like a predator.

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Virginity Syndrome- a Male Obsession

The vestal virgins of ancient Rome had to remain virgin .They could lose it on the risk of getting buried alive.

A Hindu father performs A ‘kanya daan’ when a daughter is married – signifying a virgin being given in marriage.

Islam considers virginity of the girl before marriage to be the greatest asset.

The oracles of Egypt, believed to have magical powers, used to be virgins. The powers could vanish only if the maidenhead of the Oracle was destroyed.

The wedding gown till date is white because the colour signifies purity and virginity.

The Americans have a practice called ‘purity ball’ in which they encourage their six year olds to remain virgin till married officially.

The state of M.P. in 2009 made the girls endure a virginity test before meriting admittance in a mass wedding ceremony.

Women from Asia were forced to undergo virginity tests at Heathrow before allowed in England. It was officially banned only in 1979 after a media uproar.

Thousands of educated young girls of Zululand take part in a ceremony in which a certificate is given after a successful virginity test.

There is a new surgical procedure termed hymenoplasty developed with the sole aim of helping a girl pass the virginity test on the honeymoon bed.

The world has moved upscale in every way except in relation to this medieval male obsession for Virginity. It is still a mark of purity. This male obsession is illogical and the test for its provenance highly unscientific. It is possible to lose the hymen even by a sexually innocent girl. Here come all the efforts developed through centuries to fake the test of virginity through various artificial methods.

This leads to a pertinent question. What about the male virginity? Well, there is no test for it. There is no ban on males for having premarital sex.  The taboo is reserved for girls only.

The reason behind this male obsession is incomprehensible. If the singularity of physical relationship is expected after marriage it can be understood because therein lies the future of the family. But to make an intact hymen a precondition of purity is what Voltaire called an ‘infantile superstition’ only.

Virginity of women has been used by all the cultures as a trading article. It has the seeds of bargaining of a hot property between two parties. It is feudalistic, medieval, and illogical and yet it holds sway over a large section of society the world over even today.

    Another reason for this obsession could be man’s ingrained fear of competition. A man will not like a bride to have the knowhow to compare him with another man. A virgin will have no such knowledge. So, the Male obsession for only a virgin to have marital bond may have stemmed from the fear of failure in the act of consummation of marriage. This fear in male psyche must have given rise to this tradition.

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Marriage – the male’s perspective

It is said that the Boys think differently of marriage than the Girls. A vision of the hearth and home, kids frolicking around, a manicured lawn, the white wooden fence with a wicket gate, a swing in the porch, the pillow talk, the holidays and hill stations, a secure future with a comfortable bank balance and so on and so forth is what most of the girls envision when they think of the word – MARRIAGE. The male’s perspective is different. But wait.

Let’s double check to see if it is really true and how is it so?

Desire to dominate 

The male’s idea of masculinity arises from the content derived from books, history, quotable quotes and the braves of folk lore, muscle touting peers, films and heroes in advertisements. These influences prod a male to be a knight in shining armour galloping on a white steed, gallantly rescuing the princess from the demon as a mark of personal strength.

The male’s perspective with regard to the role of women stems from this outlook. The typical belief that the female is weak and fragile further dries up the respect required to bestow the status of equality upon women. This convoluted perception leads the males to believe that the female must remain a willingly-obedient partner in the post marital scenario.

All men may not have this archaic mentality of looking at women as chattels. There are many intellectually sound men who have broken free from this medieval mentality. But such men are few and far between. Most men see women in a subservient role in the arena of marital bliss.

    The desire to lord over the fairer sex is a universal male disposition.

The male filter 

A majority of men do not look at women as individuals. The female partner is just an ‘object’ needed to cohabit. The want is carnal, earthly and physical. If the thought looks far-fetched let all males tarry and honestly introspect on how many of them did deliberately search for a visibly ugly though highly merited girl for marital relationship?  The result will be embarrassing.
The male’s prism filters only the physical traits to go into a relation. How can marriage remain a lasting institution and marital vows a holy writ with this temperament in males?

Unfortunately for males the marital Vows lay stress on monogamy

      “A successful marriage requires falling in love many times, always with the same person”, said McLaughlin. Here lies the rub. Men are hardly monogamous. It is not to suggest that men are basically lechers. But most are borderline cases.

The belief in one man – one – woman and the institution of marriage is not intrinsic to the male bent of mind. Most men look at marriage as a convenience in existence. It is a contract. Most will not think twice in breaching it at the first opportunity of a one night stand if they can safely escape the consequences. The thought may seem highly derogatory towards males but so is the fact.

Exceptions are always relevant. The institution of marriage could be sacrosanct for many men due to tradition, religious belief and even conscious acceptance. But the breed is dying.

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Grandma’s Pre-bridal package!

Who doesn’t want to look naturally beautiful on the wedding day? Well, not anybody that I know of. A soon-to-be-bride leaves no stone unturned and runs to all possible spas and salons offering “pre-bridal packages”, But often in her race against the time she negates the simple everyday skin care which is to be done at home.

As chemical treatments work superficially they often fail to work from within. To achieve a “naturally” glowing skin the brides must follow a beauty regime consisting of 100% natural ingredients.

The best for inside

The best breakfast for the young ladies should comprise a full plate of papaya, as it tends to accelerate digestion thus rendering the body clean from inside. The eating routine should accommodate fruits like oranges and bananas, to be eaten between the meals; the idea is to replace fried and oily snacks with fruits. All the grandmas have stressed this fact since ages, but it is better to remind the readers that 8-10 glasses of water should be consumed in a day in order to keep the skin clean and glowing.

The best for outside

Pre-bridal packages from the salon are no harm, but to be naturally beautiful a healthy “at-home” regime must be followed from the morning till night. The morning face tends to be delicate and untouched by dust, thus to cleanse the skin at this time will bring the best results. Lemon helps to clear blemishes, spots, marks and patches on the skin. To have a clean spot free skin lemon should be applied on face and washed with warm water after 5-7 minutes. It is advisable that people with dry skin can add glycerin as per requirement.

At noon the skin must be given some time to relax, applying multani mitti face pack can be done by people with oily skin, though people with dry skin should not try it. For people with dry skin and all other skin types, applying haldi face pack is a better option. Mixing curd, few pinches of turmeric powder and salt will create this miraculous face pack, which is to be applied for 15-20 minutes for best results.

Before sleeping the face must be washed either with rose water, or neem water to perfectly clean the skin. Rose water can be easily found in cosmetic stores. However, neem water can be easily made at home by boiling the neem leaves in a bowl of water and preserving the water for use. For people with oily skin, neem is the best ointment.

Lastly, the day should close comfortably with 6-7 hours of undisturbed sleep.

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Anand Karaj: A Blissful Union

Marriage, is not only a legal institution, the holiness of the union is indeed acknowledged in all the religions of the world. Sikhism, the youngest religion of our nation, is not different from the age old religions. Granth sahib (The holy book), lavan or phere (marriage hymns) and presence of saadh sangat (relatives and friends) remains central to the marriage ceremony.

Like most native marital traditions, Sikh marriage procedure begins by receiving and welcoming the groom and his relatives, who come to win and take the bride. The groom’s party has to come with a bang, and the “entry” is taken very seriously, the dhol rhythms announce the entry of groom and commencement of milnee. The parents, uncles, aunts, brothers and sisters of the bride and groom meet and greet each other. The ceremony of embraces also includes exchanging expensive gifts. Concluding with short treats of tea and snacks, the wedding party moves forward for the formal marriage ceremony. The vivid celebration is the best part of the ceremony, as this informal greeting (milnee) gives the chance of flaunting the expensive designer apparels!

The formal ceremony of marriage is called Anand Karaj; meaning a ‘blissful union’. The monogamous wedding is legalized by the couple’s honest consent to the ceremony of lavan. This ceremony involves a couple revolving four times around the granth sahib while the hymns are recited. The hymns are simple promises, the first lavan is the promise of fulfilling the love and duty towards the family and society, second lavan is the promise of love for each other, third and fourth are promise of detachment from the world and molding the love for each other into the love for the almighty. The most beautiful part of the laavan is the equality it gives to the man and woman, the promises are not gender based, but ask for simple social obligation a human has to do for society, spouse and lastly to the Lord. Thus often where obsolete traditions fail to voice a woman’s emotions, this ceremony leaves no wife out and makes her a bearer of marital bliss in same way as a man.

Witnesses are important for the conduction of the marriage; the granth sahib is the divine witness. While the family, relatives and local worshippers: or the saadh sangat are the important mortal witnesses. The bond is strictly monogamous with no place for divorce. However, the law of the land permits divorce for all the religions.

The ceremony is concluded with the customary singing of the six stanzas of the Anand Sahib (Song of Bliss), followed by Ardas (prayer) done for the well being of the couple, and Vak (a verse from Granth Sahib). This ceremony takes about an hour and ends with the serving of Karah Parshad to the congregation, and of course with a “Happily ever after”… from all the well wishers.

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Some Tried and trusted Ways for Success In Marriage

It is said that marriages are made in heaven. True. But the two earthlings so coupled by Him must work hard to keep it intact. The following tips will preserve the marriage better than leaving it again on The Arranger.

Be happy in the company of each other. He should be as happy to come home in the evening as the wife should be sorry to see him go in the morning. Of course, the boys will do good to remember what Lyndon B. Johnson had said “I have learnt that only two things are necessary to keep one’s wife happy. First, let her think she’s having her way. And second, let her have it.”

Mutual Respect will give rise to a lasting feeling of love and affection. Lack of respect towards the other partner or her/his beliefs is what makes a couple alienate fast from each other. Keep quiet if you don’t believe in all those demons and’ rakhshas’ so fervently feared by her. Do not laugh at him when he starts shouting at the stupidity of Indian Cricket team finding all kinds of choicest expletives for the Captain’s decisions.

Believe in the Institution and sanctity of marriage. It is not a temporary affair.  Only a foundation made on this belief will make it last-proving –lived happily thereafter. Boys should pay more attention to this dictum.

Faith in the honesty of partner is intrinsic to the longevity of marriage. This will make the partners refrain from all kinds of caustic remarks and avoidable volatile situations.

Let all quarrels end naturally. No amount of sulk or frown or even guilt is going to bring back the period prior to the start of a quarrel you will surely have sometime. So, all quarrels must end the next morning. Accept the dissent. This goes for both parties in the quarrel..

Extra martial relation  are against the rule of faith and love .But those who cannot help must consider that it could be done only if  you are ready to accept the same in the partner. Do not take it as your exclusive prerogative.  In other words do not indulge in this web of deceit and sorrow.

Praise the partner at any and every opportunity. This is the best way to bring in all the above factors in the equation. Do it especially when you are in company.

Never reprimand in the presence of others. Stand by to save and defend. It is also necessary to give the correct opinion frankly, in private that may even prove the other one wrong. This is the thumb rule to make the partner begin to love you and even accept one’s mistake in private later.

The three magic words-I Love you-are the most difficult to say sincerely after some period past of marriage. Say it again and again. Say it as if you really mean it. Running away to office and throwing it on the partner from the doorway will not do.

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Winning the swyamvar nowadays!

“It is a truth universally acknowledged that a single man in a possession of a good fortune must be in want of a wife.”

The famous lines of Jane Austen’s Pride and prejudice encapsulate the wedding structure of the 19^th century, which is lived and gone! The lines have a simple meaning, where the narrator is saying that for a rich single man the next step would be to wed a damsel. Well, the structure is changed; now the men like these cannot simply qualify for the “wedding market”, as women do not want a shallow Richie-rich anymore!

Tons of wealth fail to attract women as the economic structure of contemporary civilization has rich and economically settled women, thus women do not depend on the man so much to be the sole bread earner. A structure where women live life akin to men, companionship becomes the sole prey to hunt for in a marriage. So, the core entity women are looking for in a man is; his ability to be her companion.

The funda will be easy to understand if a man recalls the bond he shares with his “mates” or “brothaas”. The way a same sex friendship is flourished, where friends give space, share a sense of humour, protect and guide each other in life, have confidence in each other and do not look down upon one another is the same funda which forms the pillar of a successful marriage.

Gone are the days when women lived in a man’s house and had bread on his income, the vision too suits the past, it is obsolete now. So why cling to the age old customs? Men have to mould their vision in order to have a happy marriage, the true meaning of “life companion” can only be realized if you wash the utensils and discuss the interest-rates together. So, for the convenience of men who keep pondering over “why doesn’t she choose me?” a list with frank suggestions, is given below:

1)    Respect her and do not look down upon her.

2)    Give her space and do not dictate.

3)    Be sensitive to her emotions and do not intervene with your “manly logics”, try understanding her.

4)    Make her a partner in your life decisions.

5)    Do not be overprotective.

6)    Treat her like an equal friend, not a kid.

7)    Engage in intellectual activities, to keep up the comradeship alive.

8)    Be reliable if you have to maintain a long-term relation.

9)    Be assertive and truthful.

10) Respect her body and do not dominate or act desperate in bed.

Lastly, DO NOT WORRY! You won’t loose your position as a man, because being her sole honest companion she will always come and lean on your shoulder.

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“ON A BREAK” doesn’t mean a BREAK-UP!!

What’s the first thing that comes to your mind when you feel stressed or suffocated?? Yes, you guessed it right. All you can think of is to TAKE A BREAK. A break from your monotonous routine to relax and sort the confusions in your head. A little time away from your periodic life not only rejuvenates your body and soul, but also keeps you calm and sorted.


The ability to give each other the required amount of SPACE is the essence of every relationship. Staying apart from each other for a while not only dissolves your differences and frustrations, but helps you grow and exercise your own diversity. Where you’re feeling trapped and facing unending arguments and quarrels, taking a break seem to be the best solution.

“On a break” means a Break-up- A Myth


Every relationship involves compromises and adjustments to keep things healthy and happy and while doing so, many a times one or both feel resentment towards each other without involving anyone in particular. Where both learn to let go a part of themselves to settle their issues, feeling of “losing their own self” is an observed phenomenon. There comes a point in a relationship where one or both the partners feel the need for some space and break from each other to re-discover themselves. However, this little break in a relation is often confused with a break-up. One needs to understand the importance of being an individual first in order to be whole together as a couple. Instead of scratching their heads to estimate whether the BREAK is going to make or break a relation, it’s better to leave it up to destiny. The special moments shared, the great times spent together, the dreams, the habits, things you like or dislike, when you start missing all of it, that’s when your love grows like never before. It helps in building a better bond and diverts one’s focus towards the attention and efforts required in a relationship to keep it healthy. It will break if it has to, so the fear of losing a relationship if you take a break should be given up. What’s not in our control is not worth of giving a thought.

Ups and downs are a part of life and a little time spent away from your loved one might help you protect your relationship for a lifetime. However, it doesn’t give you the right to try your luck with someone else. Instead of just cribbing about the whole situation, utilise your time in the best possible manner by hanging out with friends/family, pursuing your hobbies, etc. Rethink about the issues and find out ways to resolve them. Always remember “Sometimes the greatest journey is the distance between two people”.

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IT’S ALL ABOUT ADJUSTMENTS!!

Some call it the unison of two souls, some call it companionship and while for a few it’s just a legal contract between people. Even a thousand ways are less to describe and define one of the most beautiful relationships- MARRIAGE! The wedding knot, the shared vows, the rituals performed, all of them makes this relationship exemplary. But like every other relation, it requires ADJUSTMENTS. Where two people come from distinct backgrounds with different sets of perceptions, expectations and needs, ADJUSTMENT is a must-have. The sacrifices made, the relinquishment of a few personal freedoms, coming out of the world of fantasy, all form a part of adjustments. The ability to love, understand, trust and respect, makes a marriage more stronger and successful.

Adjustment in a marriage is a two-way process. Let’s understand it from the perspective of both the spouses.

From “HER’s” aspect:

Born and brought up in an environment of love, affection, pamper and safety. The place where she spends the best times of her life, for her it’s more than just a house. A daddy’s little girl and the apple of her mother’s eye, she has to leave everything behind. Her family, her last name, the beautiful memories, literally everything! Where there is an end to an era, a whole new life begins for a girl after marriage. It’s no less than a reincarnation. Adjusting to the new environment, family, culture, etc is a big challenge for any married woman. Understanding the needs and expectations of her spouse is not enough. She has to go through a series of confrontations, be it the fear of In-laws, the financial adjustments or adjusting to an intimate relationship. The fear of not getting accepted by the new family, especially the Hitler image “Mother-in-law”, a woman has to go through all these emotions. The unrevealed weaknesses and virtues of her husband during courtship all come to notice after marriage. It’s no less than coming out of a make-believe world into the new space of reality with responsibilities.

From “His” eye:

From a mama’s boy to an adult, a man performs different roles in his lifetime. Where before marriage, he’s a son, a brother, a list of responsibilities are added on to his shoulders post marriage. The role of a husband is not at all a cakewalk for him. Taking care of the needs and aspirations of his newly wedded wife does not put an end to his responsibilities towards his family. Maintaining a perfect balance between the mother-wife relationship is a tough task for him. Ensuring financial security to the family is another significant area of concern. For a married man, adjustment is all about MAINTAINING THE BALANCE.

A well known fact “Great love is built on great sacrifice, and that home where the principle of sacrifice for the welfare of each other is daily expressed is that home where there abides a great love”. A perfect married life should become independent of her folks and his folks. Marriage is not an easy road to walk, however it’s the most rewarding. The little sacrifices and adjustments are a way to a HAPPY HOME!

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