LET GO AND REBOOT: THE CONFESSION OF A DIVORCEE

I was single again. The rotten relationship was buried at last. It took one year from the first pronouncement of –‘I cannot live with you anymore’- to the court clerk asking me to sign the copy of the divorce order. I should have felt relieved and free but did not. I felt put down, drained and alone.

When you are coping with a divorce, pain is inevitable. But what I felt was not pain as such as a feeling of emptiness – an aimless drift. Home was depressing. There was a silently suffering mother. Conversation with her was limited to dinner or bills. Initially, the friends were supportive but after almost a year things were back to the usual office shenanigans.

There was nothing remarkable in the post divorce life or any one to blame. It happened as it happens.
Life would have trundled wearily on if it would not be for my sister. One day she forced me to attend a wedding with her. Surprisingly, the evening turned out to be more pleasant than expected. I met some old friends. They were happy to see me. I actually enjoyed the gaiety of the occasion.

Later, I pondered over the evening, on the joy I had felt and whether I had not become a prisoner of self pity. Wasn’t it wrong? I had a god given right to a happy life. I must pick up the pieces and gel the life again. All the websites on divorce I had browsed during the lonely nights had preached three methods to cope with divorce. Seek out a Support Network, Redefine yourself and minimize the Impact of emotions. I decided to reach my support network-my mother, my sister and some close friends. I must redefine myself.

Mother was the first point of contact. “Go out. Meet people.” mother gushed. “Call your friends from office. Go join the land of the living. Overcome your martyr complex.”

My sister was full of natty suggestions. “Look, a date is what you need. Since, you don’t have time or resources to check around Matrimonial profiles, joining a speed dating event is the best solution.’

I protested : “I have no idea about these things.”

‘Don’t worry, Bhai! Just come out of your shell. The sensitivities of daters are always the chief concern with the organizers of these Matrimonial Speed Dating events. Just go ahead and sign up for the event.
I decided to come out of my comfort zone and took a plunge.

The event was surprisingly decent and satisfying. The idea of bringing 12-15 compatible singles of each gender to meet each other for 5 minutes each over 2/2.5 hours event was fantastic. They followed the round robin method of time scheduling. We talked, discreetly judged and decided. I ticked yes for the 3rd, 5th, 7th and 11th girl I met. I could make up my mind within minutes of coming to their tables.

I felt there was some merit in the studies which suggest that love at first sight isn’t just in our heads, but there may be a biological basis to instant attraction. People do tend to form opinions quickly when it comes to romance. The scientists tell us that it takes just three minutes to decide whether someone’s a potential mate as humans are preprogrammed to spot “the one.” The Matrimonial speed dating is a truly amazing event which employs this science to perfection.

Meeting so many nice girls lifted my spirits and after many days i felt like enjoying life. My heart felt that life might take a turn for the better. My sister ribbed me with – ‘always pay heed to my suggestions’.