LET GO AND REBOOT: THE CONFESSION OF A DIVORCEE

I was single again. The rotten relationship was buried at last. It took one year from the first pronouncement of –‘I cannot live with you anymore’- to the court clerk asking me to sign the copy of the divorce order. I should have felt relieved and free but did not. I felt put down, drained and alone.

When you are coping with a divorce, pain is inevitable. But what I felt was not pain as such as a feeling of emptiness – an aimless drift. Home was depressing. There was a silently suffering mother. Conversation with her was limited to dinner or bills. Initially, the friends were supportive but after almost a year things were back to the usual office shenanigans.

There was nothing remarkable in the post divorce life or any one to blame. It happened as it happens.
Life would have trundled wearily on if it would not be for my sister. One day she forced me to attend a wedding with her. Surprisingly, the evening turned out to be more pleasant than expected. I met some old friends. They were happy to see me. I actually enjoyed the gaiety of the occasion.

Later, I pondered over the evening, on the joy I had felt and whether I had not become a prisoner of self pity. Wasn’t it wrong? I had a god given right to a happy life. I must pick up the pieces and gel the life again. All the websites on divorce I had browsed during the lonely nights had preached three methods to cope with divorce. Seek out a Support Network, Redefine yourself and minimize the Impact of emotions. I decided to reach my support network-my mother, my sister and some close friends. I must redefine myself.

Mother was the first point of contact. “Go out. Meet people.” mother gushed. “Call your friends from office. Go join the land of the living. Overcome your martyr complex.”

My sister was full of natty suggestions. “Look, a date is what you need. Since, you don’t have time or resources to check around Matrimonial profiles, joining a speed dating event is the best solution.’

I protested : “I have no idea about these things.”

‘Don’t worry, Bhai! Just come out of your shell. The sensitivities of daters are always the chief concern with the organizers of these Matrimonial Speed Dating events. Just go ahead and sign up for the event.
I decided to come out of my comfort zone and took a plunge.

The event was surprisingly decent and satisfying. The idea of bringing 12-15 compatible singles of each gender to meet each other for 5 minutes each over 2/2.5 hours event was fantastic. They followed the round robin method of time scheduling. We talked, discreetly judged and decided. I ticked yes for the 3rd, 5th, 7th and 11th girl I met. I could make up my mind within minutes of coming to their tables.

I felt there was some merit in the studies which suggest that love at first sight isn’t just in our heads, but there may be a biological basis to instant attraction. People do tend to form opinions quickly when it comes to romance. The scientists tell us that it takes just three minutes to decide whether someone’s a potential mate as humans are preprogrammed to spot “the one.” The Matrimonial speed dating is a truly amazing event which employs this science to perfection.

Meeting so many nice girls lifted my spirits and after many days i felt like enjoying life. My heart felt that life might take a turn for the better. My sister ribbed me with – ‘always pay heed to my suggestions’.

MARRIAGE WEBSITES VERSUS MATRIMONIAL SPEED DATING

One evening after a peg or two when a warm glow had begun making me benignly disposed towards the world in general and my wine guzzling cousin in particular, I declared,” I am going to help you”. The poor fellow was single at 36. That will not do. ‘You can’t,’ the figure draped on sofa had grunted.
‘Never mind, when ‘yours truly’ sets out to solve your problems, you get them solved.’

On hearing my determined tone, my cousin looked myopically at me from behind his thick lenses.” I knew you are my real friend.’ A sob followed the sound of another tipping in his glass.

I enthusiastically began laying my plan. ‘At first I would register you with a famous marriage website. We will get hundreds of responses. We will…….,’ I stopped. He was vehemently shaking his head. ‘It won’t work. Well wishers had already tried the route. The experience of bride hunting from the profiles received from the marriage websites had proved unsatisfying . The fast paced life left no time for anything. Even the first meeting for preliminaries had taken months to arrange. The ambience in the restaurant fixed for the first meeting was more like shopping than a matrimonial dating. The only fellow who benefitted was the waiter.”

I was not deterred. I had heard of a novel concept termed matrimonial speed dating. I told him that it was a comparatively more efficient way than the traditional matrimonial dating via marriage website. There you meet only one person and if you decide the person to be incompatible you come back to square one. While in a speed dating event, a number of people compatible with each other are brought together. You get a chance to spend time with more than 10 to 15 prospective matches in a span of 2 to 2.5 hours. Both the daters get only a numbered card with a first name to avoid exchange of identification. He finally agreed. I made him promise to give me a full account of his sojourn in the event.

My cousin boasted a wall to wall grin on his face on his return from the event. “The girls were sitting,” he gushed. “The guys moved from table to table and talked to the girl on it for five minutes. We met, we judged, we decided. Both the girls and guys had numbered cards. We were told to tick the yes or no box to show our preference for the person to meet in future. I met 10 girls and ticked yes for three. The organisers would collate the yeses ticked on guys’ and girls’ cards and whosoever had the collective interest shown will be given details of each other to carry the matter further. The whole affair was done decently. What with the paucity of time in this age, it was a wonderful opportunity to have achieved so much in such a short period”

“You seem really happy!” Yes, I am happy and more because all the girls were relevant to me in terms of age, education, career and intellect.

Online Speed Dating - HOW DO WE ENSURE PRIVACY AND SAFETY?

How do we address user privacy concerns?

• We only allow pre-registered users of ‘Marry in a Week’ facebook app to participate in our speed dating events, which are strictly hosted for the purpose of finding suitable marriage partners.
• We do not share user photos, profile, or contact details prior to or after the event with anybody. We only use the first name of the user.
• We carefully explain all dos and don’ts through an introductory email before the event, and also repeat them at the start of each and every event. This ensures that no one can seek anyone’s contact or job details or ask for a meeting after the event.
• We allow the girls to leave the venue first, followed by the guys ten minutes later so that they can avoid any unwanted encounters or conversations with the guys after the event.
• We share full names and contact details of only those participants who want to meet each other again after the event.
• We can also arrange for a vehicle to drop off the girls to the nearest metro station if they do not use personal conveyance.
• Upon mutual match you can choose to either share your email & mobile ( recommended) or Just your email address.
• None of the information gathered about a participant during the registration and event will be ever be shared, exchanged, sold or rented to any third party under any circumstances.
• Our events are held in the private area of a venue. Removed from the view of passers by and spectators. We don’t allow video shooting, photography or recording of any kind during the event.
• Our event normally always takes place at a mainstream business hotel in a Metro cities on a Sunday/public holiday during the day time.

How do you address user safety concerns?

• We carefully check all user profiles for their suitability to our speed dating group. Since all participants are pre-registered on our app, we also verify their mobile numbers, email addresses and public profiles on LinkedIn to ensure not just their authenticity but also their suitability.
• We check with all the participants that they are actually single and genuinely interested in finding their life partners though our speed dating events, before confirming their registration.
• We compulsorily seek scanned copies of valid photo ids of all participants prior to their registration, and also demand to see the original photo ids at the point of entry to our speed dating events.
• We carefully explain all dos and don’ts through an introductory email before the event, and also repeat the same at the start of the event.
• We hire well-trained officials to keep a close supervision on the proceedings. Additionally, if required, we can also access the hotel security available at the venue.
• We allow the girls to leave the venue first, followed by the guys ten minutes later so that they can avoid any unwanted encounters or conversations with the guys after the event.
• We also arrange for a vehicle to drop off the girls to the nearest metro station if they do not use personal conveyance.
• We have the authority to act in case someone behaves indecently or passes lewd comments or acts in any manner that can be construed as sexual harassment. We can immediately evict such a person from the venue and also ensure that he or she does not linger outside to cause further nuisance.
• We allow the participants to bring along a friend or a relative to the venue so that they can feel more comfortable and relaxed.
• We do not serve alcoholic drinks or allow any person access to the event if he or she appears to be visibly drunk.

What kind of  background checks we do on the people who register for our speed dating events?

We adopt several measures to establish a person’s true identity. For example, all participants of our dating events are pre-registered on our facebook matrimonial app http://apps.facebook.com/marryinaweek. This implies that their profiles have already been reviewed and checked for suitability to the speed dating groups that they are assigned to. Their public profiles on LinkedIn, along with their contact details, have also been verified.

Besides, we compulsorily seek scanned copies of valid photo ids of all participants prior to their registration, and also demand to see the original photo ids at the point of entry to our speed dating events. We also confirm with all the participants that they are actually single and genuinely interested in finding their life partners though our speed dating events, before confirming their registration.

Although, these checks and measures are quite reliable in most cases, they still cannot be considered foolproof. We do not do any police or employment verifications. Therefore, we cannot take any guarantee for anyone’s character or background. We advise all participants to take as many commonsensical precautions as they would while dealing with any stranger, during and even after the event.

What type of questions is not permitted to be asked?

You are not permitted to ask any personal probing questions. You cannot ask about their place of work or contact details. You cannot ask anyone for a meeting. And, you surely cannot say or ask anything that might be interpreted as a threat or any form of sexual harassment. You must be polite and respectful at all times. And also, you must not let anyone know during the course of the event whether or not you will want to meet them again after the event.

Our events are only for Matrimonial purpose

Our speed dating events are strictly held for matrimonial matchmaking purposes only, and are exclusively meant for the use of registered members of ‘Marry in a Week’ facebook app. We strongly discourage people interested in dating only for fun or friendship from signing up on our facebook app. Before confirming any registration for our speed dating events, we try our best to ensure that the concerned participant is not only single but also genuinely interested in matrimonial matchmaking.

ABOUT ‘MARRY IN A WEEK’ SPEED DATING EVENT

About ‘Marry in a Week’ speed dating event 

‘Marry in a Week’ Facebook app has entered the Indian speed dating scene with a matrimonial speed dating event, wherein we typically invite between 10 to 15 single male and female professionals each. These people are chosen from the pre-registered users of ‘Marry in a Week’ facebook app. Since we are an Indian matrimonial matchmaking platform, we not only ensure a balanced male to female ratio but also pay special attention to the composition of the group.

The group comprises of only those Indian singles that are interested in matrimony and are looking for their perfect matches. They share compatibility in terms of nationality, religion, social background, education, profession, income, age, physical appearance and values. We do not match people on the basis of caste or community. We also maintain a wait list to take care of any last minute cancellations.

At the event, each person gets to chat with each other member of the opposite sex for five minutes each. After every five-minute chat, a bell is sounded to signal the end of the speed date. At this signal all the guys get up to move on to the next table while the girls remain seated. During this transfer, both the girls as well as the guys get some time to tick a ‘Yes’ on their date cards in case they would like to meet each other again, in addition to making some notes, if they like, before moving on to their next speed dates.

About halfway through the event there may be a 10-15 minute break to help everyone freshen up, stretch and unwind. When the last of the speed dates gets over, everyone hands over their date cards to the organizers and proceed to have some snacks. Girls leave the venue first, followed by the guys ten minutes later so as to avoid any unwanted encounters outside of the venue. All participants come as strangers and must, therefore, leave as strangers only.

Any post event meeting between two participants takes place only if both of them have mutually ticked a ‘Yes’ in their date cards for meeting each other again. If this does not happen then they do not meet each other again.

What kind of people participate in your matrimonial speed dating events?

Our matrimonial speed dating events are ideal for those Indian professionals who lead very busy lives. They do not get any time or opportunity to meet sufficient enough number of interesting new people to help broaden their prospects of finding perfect life partners. However, only those professionals who are already registered on our facebook matrimonial app can participate in our events, which are strictly held for finding perfect matches for matrimony.

Since we are an Indian matrimonial matchmaking platform, we pay special attention to the composition of each of our speed dating groups. All members of a particular group share compatibility in terms of nationality, religion, social background, education, profession, income, age, physical appearance and values. We do not match people on the basis of caste or community.

What do we compare to ensure all participants in a particular event are compatible?

1. Job Status.
2. Annual Income.
3. Education.
4. Refinement.
5. Personal values.

WHY WOULD MATRIMONIAL SPEED DATING WORK?

Speed dating is one novel way to find a match.  It may seem incredible that you can find someone in 3 to 8 minutes worth expressing an interest in but  studies, such as the one conducted in 2005 by evolutionary psychologists at the University of Pennsylvania of dating data from 10,526 anonymous people speed dating and the others conducted in Edinburgh, found:

• most people made their choices within the first three seconds of meeting
• 45% of the women participants in a speed dating event and 22% of the men came to a decision within the first 30 seconds
• whatever people may say about beliefs and what they are looking for in another, the ‘clicking’ happens quickly
• issues such as religion and previous marriages played less of a role than expected
• people may have bad experiences with matches that look good on paper, so in a match seeking environment like speed dating, it seems they tend to follow their hearts and desires
• dialogue concerning travel resulted in more matches than dialogue about movies
• scent and age play some part in the choice
• women are more selective than men
• women are quicker at making up their minds about a potential partner than men

Proponents of speed dating argue that it works on its ability to save time as most people quickly decide if they are romantically compatible – after all, first impressions last.

Since meeting sufficient number of interesting people in everyday life is so incredibly difficult. The concept of Matrimonial speed dating is an awesome idea whose time has come. In 2.5 hours a person can meet as same number of prospective matches as it would take 3 months to meet. Add to this the humungous planning, preparation, emotions and expenses involved and compare it to a simple 2.5 hours fun event which gives you not only better results but also preempts you from getting stuck on a long boring date with someone who’s not your type.

SPEED DATING EVENTS : 23RD JUNE, GURGAON

In Speed dating, an equal number of girls and guys meet each other for five minutes, one after another to decide who they would like to meet again. They must mark on their date card- YES if they like to meet again and No if they don’t after each meeting. Speed dating is Scientifically proven to be highly effective. The subconscious exchange of verbal and non-verbal signals, between two people kick starts a chemistry, which is either positive or negative, which help people decide whether they like someone or not, in less than 3 min.

Meet quality people

You’ll meet 12-15 high quality singles, who’re interested in marriage, something impossible to achieve in regular day to day life. We confirm a participant only if he or she is found Compatible , to the event in terms of Job status, Annual income, Education, Personal values and Refinement. The event is open to only members of ‘Marry in a week’ to ensure Proper screening.

You save time, money and emotions.

In our Event you meet 12-15 people in less than 2.5 hours. Our format is designed to ensure everyone including a shy person, talks to each of the12-15 singles, one-on-one! In order to understand the value of Speed dating for matrimonial purpose, just compare the time, emotions and money invested in meeting just one person in a traditional arrangement vis a vis with a speed dating event.

You’ll do incredibly well if you manage to meet 3-4 people every month, which means to meet 12-15 persons you need 3 to 4 months. Besides, each of these meeting requires an appointment, getting dressed, getting nervous and substantial expenses. No such things in a speed dating event.

Our privacy is protected and security

Even though you meet 12-15 singles per event, you don’t give your name or contact details to any of them. Only those who are mutually matched get each other’s contact details via the organizers,  while others get absolutely no info about you. We ensure that people arrive and leave the venue as strangers except they would get contact details of their Mutual matches from us. We guard your Privacy

 fiercely. Our events take place in 5* hotels in a private area, removed from the view of passersby or spectators. If you are a girl you could bring a guest along for moral support. After the event girls leave 10 minutes before guys to prevent unnecessary interaction outside the venue.

Rules and format

Participants are instructed to not ask each other: For a date, probing personal questions or contact details. These events have no rejections as nobody at the event knows who marked what for whom. The only way one can

 know if anyone has expressed a desire to meet him or her, is if he or she also has expressed a similar request. In theFormat Girls remain seated while guys move from table to table every 5 minutes. On the half way mark we also have a small break.

Participant Pre Requisites:

Participant must have a completed profile on ‘Marry in a week’ Matrimonial app. to become eligible.

If you are not a member, pl. click to sign up:

http://apps.facebook.com/marryinaweek

Events

Event- 1

Girls- 25-29 Yrs. : Working/ Never married singles / Attractive / Refined

Guys- 28-32 Yrs. : Top education/ Never married singles /Professionals with attractive jobs and Incomes / Successful Businessmen / Refined

Hindu / North Indian / Caste does not matter

Event- 2

Girls- 28-35 Yrs. : Professionals or Self employed/ Singles /Attractive / Refined

Guys- 32-37 Yrs.: Top education / Singles/Professionals with High status Job/Annual Income 12 Lac & above Successful Businessmen / Refined

Hindu / Region does not matter /Caste does not matter

Venue: DOUBLE TREE by Hilton ( 5* hotel), Golf Course Road, Gurgaon.

Date: 23rd June 2013.

Time: Event 1 / 1000 am-1230 pm ; Event 2  /1400 pm to 1630pm

Event Cost: 4000 Rs.

(1000 Rs off to Early Birds – first 5 bookings)

If you are interested in above events please let us know in either of the following ways:

1. Send email :contact@marryinaweek.com
2. Call us: 09910697869 or 0124 4301140 From 10 am to 08 pm.
3. Use contact form on the app or website   http://apps.facebook.com/marryinaweek or http://www.marryinaweek.com
4. Message us on our facebook page   http://www.facebook.com/marryinaweek

For more info: http://www.marryinaweek.com/speed-dating/

Send your suggestions, including ideas of new events for specific categories. :Contact@marryinaweek.com

A MOTHER’S MATRIMONIAL MUSINGS

Right now, the focus of my life is Project Bindiya.  Bindiya is my 24 year old daughter. I am totally immersed in matrimonial alliances.  I have spread the word around in my circle, spoken to a few astrologers and flaunted my Bindiya at social gatherings.  I know the word is out – yet should I also tap matrimonial sites?

Like many of my generation, I am a little wary of the internet.  I can just about do my mails and google recipes.  Bindiya created a Facebook account for me so that I can network with old friends but I hardly log in; although when I do, I enjoy discussing with old friends what next will happen to Simar or Ram and Priya.

In fact, it was one such visit to Facebook that gave me the idea of matrimonial sites.  Something called marryinaweek there caught my eye.  From what I understand, it is like a matrimonial site with the usual advantage of a larger bank of prospective matches and the convenience of availability at a click but also has more: it’s a first of its kind matrimonial app linked to Facebook and as of now it is free. I read that it takes relevant information from a Facebook profile.  Should I ask Bindiya to register?  While I have been talking about our own community, I know that I have given my daughter the education and exposure to life that I was denied and deep down in my heart I fear that merely matching community may not be enough for her.  I want her to find a soul mate in the true sense of the word.  If he has the qualities to keep her secure and happy, I may be willing to compromise on the community part.  Anyway, who knows I may be lucky that someone from our community may also be up on Facebook and will suit in other ways as well?!

Bindiya decides who can view her profile so my fears about letting pictures and details loose on the internet without privacy become unfounded.  There will be no clutter since if she does not express an interest, the profile expires in a week; and if a prospect is really interested or interesting, the response will have to be in a week, or it is lost.  As a matrimonial site with a difference, it enables prospects to see the entire person – videos, pictures, posts and details – if allowed.  And since only those with 50 or more friends will have profiles taken, I am a little relaxed by the smaller chance then of sham profiles.  I know that along with other Facebook friends she can shut me out in her privacy settings, but as mother and daughter, we’ll share something and she does rely on my maturer outlook in many things.  I am traditional enough to know that she is “paraya dhan” and once married, she will have her privacy settings that will exclude me even in life.  She introduced me to Facebook – wonder what she’ll say when I tell her I found a matrimonial app I would like to introduce her to?